COURAGE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY

As I prepared my lunch and work bag the night before my first day at a new job that was wildly outside my comfort zone, I could feel all the signs of uncertainty and fear welling up inside me yet again. The next morning, as I drove to the school, I did everything I could to not think about all the ways I felt unqualified or, to borrow a term from my equestrian days, over-faced. I listened to podcasts about friendships and dogged the morning sun as it shot blindingly through my windshield, and I continuously checked my GPS to see if I was going to make it in time for the morning meeting. I didn’t, traffic and an incorrect direction from my GPS caused me to get stuck in the long line of parents dropping off their kids. With the increased anxiety of being late, I now had to figure out where to go. I was walking to a strange place, knowing no one, during one of the busiest times of the day. Cue some of my greatest insecurities. Fast forward a few hours of being unsure exactly what I was supposed to be doing to a tour of the school from the principal, several introductions to teachers and some students, and the feelings of insecurity were shifting.  I still felt a little over-faced and underqualified, but I began to think about the purpose of this job, the students, rather than my own insecurity. As I sat back down in the office, the word courage kept coming to my mind. What does courage look like, how does it impact our everyday lives, can we learn it, what are the consequences of not learning it, and how does courage relate to living from a place of enough rather than scarcity?

I suppose it’s a good idea to start at the beginning, so what is courage? According to dictionary.com, courage is “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.” They had me until they said, “without fear.” I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve seen a lot of examples of people being what I would consider courageous and still being afraid. I think of people who have risked their lives to save others; their actions were courageous, but I bet they still felt fear. I’d venture a guess that most of the characters in the Bible who showed great courage also felt fear in the midst of it. So maybe courage has more to do with moving forward through fear, not ignoring it, running from it, or numbing it. So, if courage is about moving forward through fear, what does that look like in our lives today? In many of the stories from the Bible that focus on courage, we see the characters in situations that are so far beyond what they can do on their own that they have no choice but to trust God or run in the other direction as fast as they can. If I’m being honest, I don’t really feel like the times I need courage are quite as extreme; they usually feel like something I could handle if I was just a little bit more together, healthy, knowledgeable, experienced, or, let’s face it, brave. But maybe that’s the point; maybe these smaller moments of fear and insecurity serve as indicators of my humanity, signals that I’m not living from my full identity in Christ or places where I don’t fully trust God..

So, can we learn it? My thought is absolutely, and we need to learn it! Without the courage to move forward through fear and insecurity, we will remain stuck in the same spot we’ve always been. If you’re anything like me, you don’t naturally want to tackle your insecurities and fears; in fact, I will often try to figure out how I can work around my insecurities and avoid my fears. But something I’ve learned, but full disclosure struggle to put into practice, is that the size of my fear is proportional to how much time I’ve spent focused on areas where I or someone else falls short rather than the areas of abundance and potential. Which brings me back to the first day of my new job. I spent the two weeks prior to starting so focused on all the information that I didn’t know, my lack of experience, the feelings of not having enough education, and the potential negatives of the job that I completely forgot to think about all the potential. I forgot about how amazing it will be to be part of creating a safe space for students who don’t have a lot of safety and security. I forgot to think about the courage these students and parents have to step outside the “normal” and seek growth. Most of all, I forgot to think about how much bigger God is than my areas of imperfection. I am not at this school to get my training hours in or make some money; I am here to love these students like Jesus would, and that can only happen if I’m courageous enough to show up fully focused on the many ways He shows up every day.

I am so thankful that God used meeting one of the students, just for a second, to remind me that this is not about me but about Him. Stepping out in courage isn’t about proving I’m good enough to others or myself; it’s not about muscling through a tough spot or even helping someone else; it’s about shifting the focus from me and them to God. Being focused on God’s purpose changes our perspective in pretty radical ways. When I’m focused on God, I no longer see all the ways in which I’m not enough, but I see all the ways God is already filling the gaps between my humanity and His purpose. I no longer see others and competition but as co-champions for God’s purpose. I no longer see all the things that will likely go wrong; I see all the ways God can use those things to make an even bigger impact.

This is absolutely easier said than done, but there are small steps of courage you can take now that make the bigger, scarier steps easier down the road. Some of those smaller steps might look like spending some time reflecting on your life in relation to courage. Ask yourself, when was the last time I stepped out in courage? When was the last time I got uncomfortable? What’s stopping me from doing the hard things? Maybe the hard thing is facing your past and healing from old wounds. Maybe it’s starting counseling, finally having a hard conversation with a friend or family member, finding a new job, or showing up as fully yourself, leaving your mask at home. I challenge you to ask yourself where do I need to step out in courage and shift my focus from the gap to the one who fills the gap.